After seeing many of his friends die of AIDS, Rabbi Rafael Goldstein reaches out to the sick, the dying and the suffering.
by Patricia Morris Buckley
Who exactly is Rafael Goldstein?
A check on the Internet reveals a number of identities. Harris Goldstein is the author of the book Being a Blessing: 54 Ways You Can Help People Living with AIDS. Under the name Rabbi H. Rafael Goldstein are a number of listings linked with the Jewish Family Services of San Diego, the Jewish Healing Center and the United Jewish Federation of San Diego. He's also mentioned as the rabbi of Congregation Kol HaNeshamah, an alumnus of the Jewish Theological Seminary (where he received a B.A. and Master's degree), Columbia University (where he earned a B.A. in social work in 1978), associate executive director of the AIDS Interfaith Network of New Jersey and director of the Los Angeles Jewish AIDS Services, among other positions. He was ordained by the Academy for Jewish Religion in 1994.
Talking to Goldstein doesn't clear up the mystery. He's willing to answer direct personal questions with short, curt replies, and is openly gay, although he is hesitant to talk about his decision to come out in any detail. He would rather discuss the large number of programs he's intimately involved with.
"I just don't like talking about me," says Goldstein, who will only admit to being in his 40s. "What I'm involved with is really a community effort. It's not about Goldstein, but the partnership that makes everything happen. And I'm a beneficiary of that partnership."
Perhaps a listing of his titles can create a clearer picture of the man and his work. Goldstein serves as chaplain for the Jewish Healing Center (a program of Jewish Family Services in collaboration with the United Jewish Federation of San Diego, The Jewish Community Foundation and the San Diego Rabbinical Association) and Community Chaplain for the UJF (a position that overlaps with his work at the Healing Center). He recently became chair of professional ethics for the national Association of Rabbis and Cantors and is working to get Jewish Family Services to create a program that will help people with life-threatening cancer, much like the defunct Wellness Community once did.
In almost every phase of his professional life, Goldstein has invested himself in helping those with serious or life-threatening illnesses and their families. Only through the grateful words of others is the true measure of the man somewhat discernible.
"He's a wonderful man who puts his whole heart and soul into helping others," says Nadine Finkel, associate director of planning and allocations for the United Jewish Federation of San Diego. "I get many thank you notes from the families he's seen. He visits more than 400 people a year in the hospital. In the four years since starting the Jewish Healing Center, he has met with 1,500 individuals and families, many multiple times. He's also worked with 60 long-term hospice clients."
His ability to counsel those who are going through life-threatening illnesses or watching a family member die of serious disease has gained him the respect of his peers. "He's a funny, educated, kind-hearted and generous man," says Rachel Pitt, who, as coordinator of the Jewish Healing Center, works closely with Goldstein. "He's so well educated in Judaism and can bring that into relevancy through stories and psalms to bring healing and comfort."
While Goldstein is hesitant to offer details about his childhood, he will say he grew up in New Jersey, one of five children. His father worked for the IRS and his mother was a secretary. His future profession didn't seem to manifest itself early. "I spent a lot of time in the principal's office," he recalls.
In his early 30s, he came out of the closet. "I had no choice," he says simply, without adding further details. "At the same time, I decided to become a rabbi. Perhaps it was part of being rebellious because my parents weren't particularly religious. Mostly, it was survivor guilt. I was burying all my friends and I had to make sense of that."
His work with people afflicted with AIDS lead to his writing his book (he changed his name shortly after its publication in 1994, around the same time he was ordained). Today, he's grateful that most of what the book has to say about AIDS is outdated because of increased awareness of the disease and its causes. "So I branched out from the microcosm of AIDS to the macrocosm of people with life-threatening illnesses."
While being gay caused some difficulties in his professional life, he doesn't elaborate on them. "Every gay man over 25 has had to deal with issues of discrimination and ill will," he admits, adding that his family is fine with his choice. "But the Jewish Federation, with the support of the San Diego Rabbinical Association, hired me fully out and this community has been very welcoming to me."
The Jewish Healing Center began as a way to help a growing number of unaffiliated Jews with life-threatening illnesses. "Perhaps their family was far away or they didn't have family," explains Finkel. "As much as the rabbis wanted to help, they had to fulfill the needs of their own congregation. But providing this type of service is what we're about as Jews. We wanted to let them know that there is a community and they don't have to be alone."
The Jewish Healing Center offers a wide variety of programs. They include: visiting the sick, bereavement counseling and groups, psychosocial support, spiritual support groups, healing arts workshops, pastoral care, synagogue support for rabbis working with people with serious illnesses, healing worship services and community outreach direct services (an on-going support network for Jewish people in the medical or counseling professions). Nosh 'N Drosh is a program of weekly Torah study, prayer, meditation and discussion for those living with serious illness or recovering from alcohol or chemical addictions. Healing Circle is a program of meditation and visualization for people with serious illness.
"This is an incredible opportunity to be part of people's lives," says Goldstein. "I am a walk-on character in the sitcom of their lives. I'm walking into their tragedy, which is a humbling experience for me, and giving spiritual comfort in moments of crisis. I recognize that it's not about me, but the person in need. It's tough work, but I can't think of anything more meaningful.
"I couldn't sell cars. There's no meaning in that for me. For whatever reason, I'm blessed to walk in and help bring meaning. I work hard to develop a clear sense of the theology of G-d's presence with us. I also work on trying to listen and just be present for them. I recognize that these are holy moments."
After almost five years of assisting those in such trying times, he does feel the weight of such work. "Sometimes, it's hard work," he admits. "I try to keep it in perspective, that people will suffer whether or not I'm there. But I have a chance to bring comfort. So I'm glad for the time I spend with then. I wouldn't give away a moment of that. It's holy work." He credits his once-a-month rabbinical duties in Irvine as helping him deal with the pain of dealing with the seriously ill.
Goldstein has a penchant for creating new programs and support groups. The cancer support group will bring together many different religious organizations. He's also involved in an ecumenical organization, on-going clinical and pastoral education at Sharp Hospital and publishing another book titled Being a Blessing: 54 Ways You Can Help People Living With Illness as well as a prayer book (which may be included in the second book, pending the publisher's decision).
Why is he so busy? Because he's someone who never stops helping and caring. "It's not just a job for him," says Finkel. "It's his life work."
Goldstein echoes that sentiment. "I have no desire to leave this," he says. "This is it. This is terminal for me."
For more information on the Jewish Healing Center, call Jewish Family Services at (619) 291-0473.
For feedback, contact editor@sdjewishjournal.com.