singles
by Tinamarie Bernard

an ode to jewish men

He changed my toilet paper roll. I didn’t notice it until the morning after our date, when with sleepy eyes I realized his thoughtfulness and smiled. “What a sweetheart,” I said out loud to no one in particular. I’d been distracted, but he found the time between dinner and our goodnight kiss to show me his kindness. A rush of momentary warmth filled my chest. The little things really separate the Mensches from the boys, I’ve learned since my divorce and dating, Jewish style.

My relationship needs are simpler these days. Things that used to matter are irrelevant and have been replaced by real virtues. In my college and pre-marriage days, a man’s attractiveness was measured by things that looked good on paper. Dating with a resume. It’s how many of us are programmed to seek and marry our mate. Well, I found someone who looked good on paper at the time, but I also learned that the superficial commonalities don’t guarantee what the heart will not relinquish. At the end of nine years of marriage, my non-practicing Catholic husband and I parted. And I began a new journey that has brought me to the Jewish community. For those who don’t know yet, I’m a Jew-to-be in the midst of converting. The more I see, the more I like. Especially the Jewish Mensch.

The man I’m dating lives away, and we see each other 2-4 times a month. Of course I’d prefer to spend more time together, but we nurture our long distance affair. The oasis of calm that we create together is sustaining and tender. Ours is a slow and sweet courtship. He’s a Mensch, and I gladly remind him of that frequently. But this article isn’t an ode to just one man, as special as he is. Since my conversion process, I’ve met several Jewish men. And what I conclude is this: Jewish guys, in general, are a magnificent bunch.

Before I continue my praise of the Jewish Male, I will confess that I am biased. I’m an optimist. I’m looking for the good in the men in my life. My sample size is somewhat small since I’ve only been active in the community for a year. But I’m also mindful and know a good thing when I see it. And this is what my observations have revealed. My Jewish male friends are generous and thoughtful. The first time I held a Shabbat dinner, Jess gave me a beautiful silk challah cover; for my birthday party, he gave me a multi-colored glass Seder plate. He’s also a great dad, and feasts at his home are delicious and satisfying. My friend, IJ, is charming and irreverently funny. I owe him gratitude for sound and sincere advice. And help. On Memorial Day weekend, when I faced a serious family emergency, he watched my son until the wee hours of the night. Did I mention that he’s quite the dapper dresser too? (These guys are available too for any women who may be interested. References are available.)

Maybe some of the stereotypes are true, but who cares? What some Jewish guys lack in stature, they make up for in character, intellectualism, wisdom, insight, spirituality, sociability, humor and ability to dance. Bernie is a devoted father, worldly and hardworking when he isn’t traveling. He also introduced me to my favorite Jewish Mensch, so I think he judges character as well as he plays cupid. My friend Delon listens intently when we are hanging out. Before my Mission trip, he counseled me thoroughly on the culture, politics and society of Israeli. And he’s got an infectious laugh. Attentive and loving to their women. Tall, short, bald, hairy, handsome, dynamic and driven. I’ve met them all in the Jewish community.

I could wax on about my impressions and the men who’ve formed them, but I’ve made my point. I gladly choose my current circumstances and circle of men. My Jewish man-friends are thoughtful, smart and witty. My Jewish Mensch is generous, intelligent, loving, strong and sexy. And he’s perceptive enough to change my toilet paper when I’m not looking. It’s the little things that inform me he’s worth his weight in Charmin. Here’s to fabulous Jewish men.

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